Blessing Redefined

Today, as I sit here in my writing room, feeling pretty well, sun shining in the windows, with my kids in the other room doing things that make them happy, it is a little easier to see some of the good that has come from the past 12 months. I honestly never doubted good would come out of this season, but what I have come to define as good, isn't necessarily what I expected. Would I change how I came to appreciate these new definitions? Of course I would. Good grief, I wouldn't choose the events of this year for anyone, let alone my own family. But do I have a glimpse of purpose in how 2021 went down? Yeah, I think I do. 

I have noticed how people are often attracted to one particular attribute of God's character. Some people tend to talk about His power. Others focus on his love and goodness. Some naturally default to talking about His grace or even His judgement. As for me, I find myself regularly falling on God's sovereignty. I don't believe there are accidents or coincidences, but I do believe in the working out of a plan that is perfect, even when I don't like it. In all honestly, I haven't liked His plan for me this year. But just because I haven't liked it, doesn't mean I haven't trusted Him with it. What has been harder for me, has been trusting Him with His plan for the people I love who have walked through their own personal hells this year. I've found myself having more talks with God about that stuff than my own crap. 

I've prayed a lot over the past 12 months, for myself and for people I care about. Some of those prayers have been answered. Some have not. Some of the answers have made life feel better. Some have not. God's kindness doesn't always look like I think it should. His grace shows up differently than I'd like it to. And I've come to see His blessing doesn't always mean my comfort. The thing I try to remember is that God is ultimately motivated by love. So if learning more about that love takes teaching me some new definitions for words I thought I understood, then so be it. 2021 has been hard. But I think I know more about God's hand of blessing because of how hard it has been. I'd sure like next year to look differently than this year has looked. But more than that, in December of 2022 I'd like to be able to say I trusted God even more because of what the new year brought my way. 

---

THE THORN
Gina Boe

I begged
I pleaded
I prayed
Believing You would come and take away this pain

You heard
You listened
You knew
How this would help me learn to trust your perfect ways

Sometimes your kindness is the closing of a door
Sometimes your grace is in the raging of the storm
Sometimes the answer isn't what I'm praying for
Sometimes the blessing is the thorn

This need
This aching
This road
Is taking me to places I don't wanna see

This hope
This waiting
This faith
Is making me into who you want me to be

Sometimes your kindness is the closing of a door
Sometimes your grace is in the raging of the storm
Sometimes the answer isn't what I'm praying for
Sometimes the blessing is the thorn

So if you choose to take it
Or if it should remain
You will love me through it either way

Sometimes your kindness is the closing of a door
Sometimes your grace is in the raging of the storm
Sometimes the answer isn't what I'm praying for
Sometimes the blessing is the thorn
​