THE BEST OF DAYS

Hello again from your inconsistent blogger. The days are FLYING by and while I will likely always be frustrated by the mere 24 hours I am given to accomplish everything I'd like to in a day, I am also learning to be content, realistic, and more kind to myself. My body is demanding that from me so I am trying to cooperate. 

Physically, I'm feeling better. My last surgery seems to be doing what I hoped it would do - let my body heal. Being off my chemo pill has meant an improvement in how I feel physically as well, although I do wrestle with the emotions of knowing I don't have that added weapon in my arsenal right now. I'm still dealing with the effects of other drugs and the ongoing issues gifted me by radiation. It appears some of those issues are here to stay so I'm doing my best to come to terms with all of it. My appointments are fewer and farther between, which means I can actually go an entire week without making a trip to the doctor or lab. That feels like an achievement, for sure. 

My daily work life has honestly been a dream. I don't think I've ever been able to say that in my 42 years of being a laborer of some sort, so operating in my sweet spot is new for me. Most days are spent in my office working on some creative endeavor - my business, new songs, new books, new musicals, new projects. Our new puppy (pictured here in my office) means I start my day earlier than I'd like, but Rupert has honestly been so good for my new schedule. He gets me up early and takes his first nap right around the time I step into my office for 3-4 hours. He wakes up, we have lunch, then dive into an afternoon full of more of the same. Not every day goes as planned, of course, but for the most part, this season is a blessing in so many ways. As I told a couple of co-writers yesterday, these are the best of days. I'm so grateful. 

Even the best of days have their troubles, though. I won't pretend life has been easy. It's just that I've longed to be in a season where I'm more fulfilled creatively and now that I am, I'm in awe of how it has helped me deal with the messes of life in a more constructive way. Life will continue to be hard - I know that. Broken relationships, navigating changes, financial concerns, caring for family, ongoing health challenges; all things that keep me on my knees. But between living a more intentional life creatively and a deepening commitment to knowing God better, I've found the space to think more clearly when hard stuff happens. 

I hope all of this spills out into creative work that inspires and encourages others. I've seen the futility of doing creative work for merely selfish gain and it's empty. I've done that. I don't want that. I've chased things and people and affirmation and reward. Yuck. I'd rather chase dreams. I'd rather run hard after an idea or a feeling or a story that just might make a difference in somebody's life. I'm so grateful I feel physically and mentally able to run after those things lately, and I'm very grateful God seems to have given me an open road to run on for a while. ​

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