The Capacity to Create In Peace

A few weeks ago, another step was taken toward the realization of a dream. I've been working on a musical with my friends Lee and Tony since November 2017. We recently held a staged reading of the musical and it will be a fully produced show in May of 2024. Tickets are available now and you should all come see The Table at The Nebraska Communities Playhouse in Hickman, Nebraska. Yes, ALL of you should come see this show. Please. :) 

The process of watching this project coming to life has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. The day after the staged reading, I expected to need a break from this particular work, simply because it had been so incredibly time consuming for the previous three weeks. But after allowing myself to sleep in, get caught up on housework, and give myself a break from staring at a computer screen, I was beyond ready to get back to work, shaping and reshaping the story and songs. The project needed work, that was undeniable. In some places, major work. But instead of being daunted by the task, I was eager and determined. And it surprised me a little to feel that way. 

I'm an idea person. I love dreaming up possibilities. I've mentioned this before, but I haven't always been great at the finishing part of pursuing a dream.  I'm happy to say I seem to be getting better at that. I've finished things in the past couple of years I don't know if I would have a decade ago. And I think I know why. 

For most of my life, I've been a person with a high capacity to juggle responsibilities. I can keep a lot of plates spinning - all the roles I've had to assume through the years. Wife, mom, daughter, friend, employee, business owner, etc. I've always known I can't give 100% to all the things all the time, but I am a person who seems to function better when I have a lot to do. I'm still that way. But the past three years have changed my perspective, not only on my capacity to juggle responsibilities, but also on my capacity to create. 

I'm sure age, experience, and knowledge gained, have all contributed to what I now see in regards to my own limitations, but I don't know that I'd be where I am now in terms of perspective had I not come face to face with my mortality. Thank you, cancer. But it isn't simply the feeling that my days are numbered so I'd better get busy living and doing the things I want to do while I can. Creating out of that feeling would leave me in a frantic state of creativity and I do not want that. No, this is desire to operate at full creative capacity, in peace. Not "peace and quiet" kind of peace, but the peace that comes from knowing I'm not chasing anything or anyone. The peace you have when you're working with people who fill you up, and not with those who leave you depleted. The peace of being purposeful with your time and resources even when others don't understand the ridiculous things you might choose to do in order to achieve that peace. 

My husband and I are taking a hard look at our life and planning to make some changes I'm certain some people will not understand or agree with. It won't be the first time friends and family have called us crazy. And speaking of capacity, I don't have the capacity to care about that anymore.

​Thankfully, I also don't have the capacity to care about the capacity of others either. I've spent way too much time over the years asking God why I haven't been afforded certain opportunities while I've watched other people have experiences I wished I had. I honestly don't feel the need to ask that of God anymore. Mostly because I am fully aware of the amazing opportunities I've been given, but also because I've learned that if I wanted to have specific doors opened to me, I would also have to deal with all the crap that goes along with walking through those doors.  And the more I see exactly what that crap is, there is no way I want that for my life. Because what I see there doesn't bring what my heart desires - to create out of a place of peace. 

My personal mission statement is to do creative work that inspires and equips others to do their creative work. What that creative work looks like and who the "others" are, is going to be determined by one thing - answering the call that I alone hear from my Creator. I'm quite confident that when I am faithful to that call, He will also show me the "how, when, what, why, where, and who" I need to create at my highest capacity in peace. Even in typing those words I feel the tension release from my shoulders, breath fill my lungs, and my mind begin to clear. I suppose those are signs I'm on the right track. 

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