GINA BOE
  • HOME
  • About
  • Blog
  • Books
  • HOPE
  • Contact
  • Store
  • KIDS CORPS

The Trouble With Sons

12/21/2018

18 Comments

 
Picture
Pardon my emotion...it's a big weekend.

​The trouble with sons is they trick you. From the day they are born, they mess with your heart and you don’t see it coming. Not at three days old. Not at age four. Not at 18 or even 25. You think you’ve got a handle on mothering a boy, and then they do something else that knocks you to your knees and takes your breath away. You celebrate them and grieve them all in one small, life-changing moment. Then another. And another.

It starts in the hospital when the nurse brings them to you in the middle of the night and says, “He’s pretty fussy. I think he needs his mama.” It finally hits you that you are their person. Entrusted with their very life, you feel the joy and weight of what it means to raise a son. As much as you hate the all-nighters rocking and begging them to go to sleep, you also take great pride in the fact that it’s you they want. The trouble is, a few weeks down the road they prove to you they can do the whole sleep-8-hours just fine and they don’t need rocking anymore. You’re grateful. But you miss those dark, quiet hours just the same. It’s the first trick. Their independence is slowly and sneakily revealing itself.

A few months go by and that chubby hand grips your little finger so tightly that he fools you into thinking he’ll never let go. And then he does. And he walks. But he also falls and looks up at you with sweet, tear-filled eyes that make you believe you’re the only one capable of picking him back up and encouraging him to try again. So you do. Then a day comes when he takes off running and doesn’t look back. Even when he falls, his “I-can-do-it” spirit takes over and he leaves you in his dust. Darn it. You thought he needed you more. But you cheer him on. And you cry.

Year after year, the milestones come and go, and inevitably you feel duped. People warn you, but you still don’t recognize the sleight-of-hand at the piano recitals, little league games, high school proms, graduations, or their first apartments. It really is magic, watching them unveil their newest trick, and yet sometimes you’re left feeling like the woman sawn in two. Except you never get put back together.
​

Little by little, those tricksters learn to bear the weight of their own life. You pray it’s because you laid some kind of foundation for that to happen, but you can’t be sure because sons don’t always tell you that’s part of the reason. Oh, but when they do, when they say “thank you” or “love you, Mom”, suddenly every little conniving thing they’ve ever done is forgiven.

Big trouble comes when you hear the words, “I have a date.” It’s too much. You fight to stay calm, hoping this is just an illusion. There’s no way snips, snails and puppy dog tails have turned into mini-golf, movies and goodnight kisses. Then you meet her. And you genuinely like her. And you know why he loves her. Why he wants to marry her. And you love her too. She is the answer to prayers you’ve prayed since before he was born, but she is now part of the trick too. He has enlisted help in his mischievous ways and you think it might just put you over the edge. So you resign yourself to hoping that one day they’ll experience the kind of trouble you’ve faced and that lifts your spirits, because, well, “Grandma” sounds pretty good.

The truth is, mothering a son has given some you of the greatest joy you will ever know. And while some of their growing-up tricks may have stung a bit, with every trick they’ve played on you, you’ve come to love them more. No, that little, baby-blue bundle they placed in your arms didn’t stay little. And that’s the real trouble with sons. They grow up.

We cradle our boys, then we steady them, and then we cheer them on. We celebrate the adventures and grieve the losses, sometimes both in a single moment. Along the way, we might have to bear the brunt of life’s cruelest tricks, but without question I’ve never been happier to play the fool.

18 Comments
Charlotte
12/28/2018 05:00:43 pm

I’ve lived everyone of these moments, SIX times! I cherish each moment and would do it all over again in a heart beat! Enjoy them, savor every moment, every memory. Write it down. The time passes so quickly. One day their children will want t hear stories about their dad when he was little. 💕😉

Reply
Gina
1/2/2019 07:02:35 pm

Six?! You DO know these feelings well. :)

Reply
Diane Turner
12/29/2018 01:49:20 am

Beautiful

Reply
Gina
1/2/2019 07:03:03 pm

Thank you!

Reply
Kristen
12/29/2018 06:21:10 am

I’m about to deliver my second son. I couldn’t be more excited. My first son is 5 years old. I am filled with tears of joy reading this and it helps me appreciate them even more. Thank you!

Reply
Char
12/29/2018 07:20:31 am

This is amazingly true ❤️ I can recall the grieving spots throughput raising my boys as they pull away and grow.. but I can recall all of the triumphs as well

Reply
Anita
12/29/2018 08:13:11 pm

Two sons, 27 and 23. You have captured the essence of being a Mom to little boys who grow up to be young men. Thank you!

Reply
Rachel
12/30/2018 08:42:25 am

Beautifully stated. I have felt every bit of this as my son, Zack, and I were extremely close. I guess you could say that we were peas and carrots. Two years ago, on August 25th, my son met the love of his life. A year later he moved her into my home, due to extenuating circumstances. In July of this year they secured and moved into their first home together. My son wanted to do this before asking for her hand to prove to her that he could provide for and take care of her. Their two year anniversary was quickly approaching when the unthinkable happened. My beautiful, healthy, thriving baby boy, who was now all grown up, was killed in an automobile accident leaving his house to come to mine on August 21st, 2018. He was only 20 years old. My world has imploded and I am absolutely devastated beyond words. On the other hand, I am so grateful for the 20+ years that I was able to spend with him and he made this mom very proud!

Reply
Shawna link
1/1/2019 05:43:44 pm

Bless you sweet lady. My heart goes out to you as well as many prayers. I don’t understand what you’re going through but my sister was murdered in August and my mom is in the nursing home after open heart surgery so it’s been a rough year for sure. However to hear your story let’s me know we’re all in this big world together and I just wanted to send you LOVE 💗 the world. We’d it now more than ever 💜

Reply
Rachel Holland
1/2/2019 04:42:55 pm

Shawna,
I am so sorry to hear about your sister as well. I really hope that you are able to find comfort in the memories that you have and the stories that you can share with everyone; about her, to keep her in YOUR present. I also hope your mom recovers quickly. I am sure losing her child did not help her medical condition. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Yes we are all connected by our humanity and basic human needs and understanding at our core. Thank you for reaching out, I needed this. I hope I could give you just a sliver of comfort. -Rachel

Gina
1/2/2019 07:07:33 pm

Shawna, I am so sorry about your sister and about your mom's struggles as well. Sending prayers for your family.

Gina
1/2/2019 07:05:04 pm

Oh Rachel, I am so, so sorry about your son. There can be no pain like a mother losing a child. My prayers for you and your family.

Reply
Rachel Holland
1/2/2019 07:25:41 pm

Gina,
Thank you for your condolences and your prayers. I welcome all the prayers we can get right now because we delfinately need them! Thank you again! -Rachel

Amanda Thomason
1/15/2019 07:33:02 pm

My heart just broke hearing your story about your precious baby boy! I can’t or do I ever want to imagine the pain you felt saying “see ya later” to him b/c I couldn’t make it thru that pain. You are an amazing woman! But, ONE DAY, you WILL see him again! And what a glorious day that’ll be! You, your family, and his fiancé are in my prayers.... I am so very very sorry for your loss. 💔

Reply
Rachel Hollanf
1/17/2019 04:27:30 am

Amanda,
Thank you for reaching out to me. Yes the pain is unimaginable and I now belong to a club (grieving mothers) that I never wanted a membership to. I also have a very strong faith in God and that I will be reunited with all of my family one day. This is what keeps me going everyday. I realize that this is not my plan and I am not in control. My job is to put one foot in front of the other and see what I can bring to each new day; so, I can secure my position in Heaven. Thank you for your kind words; but, I feel anything but strong right now. I feel broken; shattered as a matter of fact. I am working on me right now with the help of my excellent doctor, medications for the anxiety and depression that goes hand in hand with losing your child to a freak accident.
Sincerely,
Rachel Holland (grieving momma of Zack ~forever 20)

christy hayes
12/31/2018 09:02:51 am

I feel very strongly with what you wrote About your two boys I have ttwo also. I also have a beautiful baby girl and when she tried moving to South Carolina for a job I couldn't let go so I followed her there along with her brothers we eventually left her alone but I broke my heart to see her grown my youngest boy is 14 and he's got a girlfriend already I'm not real close to him I don't know why he just don't want to be with me and I will be there for sure he knows this I'll never leave there any of them I love them with all my heart I know you don't know me but I was stabbed 43 plus times in my throat by there dad he was sentenced to 12 in prison but. He only served 5 years . My kids have been through a lot in there little lives not only did they lose their dad the were taken from me due to them child support division starting that I can't take care of them due to the men I choose to be in there lives so my mom there grandma has had them since 2010i see them every day and still raised them they just didn't live with me so being that they went through there mom almost dying and there dad being responsible for this my kids have a wonderful life my daughter has held down a job since she was 15 she now has my gorgeous grandson Owen my other son Christopher he has been holding down his jobs and graduated at the top of his class well so did his sister Kaitlyn my youngest is following in there footsteps. I'm extremely proud of them and I'm so grateful that I can say they are my amazing children with a huge and forgiving heart

Reply
Sata
1/2/2019 09:06:56 pm

I have three sons...each so different...all so strong...21, 19 and 15 now. Last summer they argued about which one was the biggest alpha male, I just laughed and reminded them who their mother was 😂...what you wrote about them breaking your hearts and them forgiving them ina instant is so true-over and over and over...they need us to teach them all of the time...to love, to trust, to try really hard even when it’s really hard, to always have your brothers back, to work hard, to believe and to have faith. I can’t imagine my life without them...they are as sweet as they are stubborn and I would t change anything about any one of them.

Reply
Amanda Thomason
1/15/2019 07:36:26 pm

Oh my heart just broke hearing your story of your precious baby boy! I will be praying for you, his fiancé, and your family to somehow find peace and comfort during this time. But knowing you WILL be reunited one day.... and what a glorious day that’ll be!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

      SUBSCRIBE FOR
      ​BLOG UPDATES
      ​

    Subscribe

    RSS Feed


    ​Archives

    February 2021
    January 2021
    October 2020
    September 2020
    June 2020
    February 2020
    December 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    June 2019
    April 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    July 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    March 2015
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014

    Categories

    All
    Co-writing
    Creativity
    Kids
    Songwriting

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • HOME
  • About
  • Blog
  • Books
  • HOPE
  • Contact
  • Store
  • KIDS CORPS